I've been considering my finances and in light of my direly straitened circumstances I have decided to be proactive.I am not, however, considering prostitution (I'm under-qualified in that particular area. Mens' parts? *shudder* Ick Ick Ick...) although I suppose it would be one way to get some cash... & maybe a drug habit, some diseases and a range of assaults upon my person. Not that I want any of those particularly. It would be something to talk about at dinner parties, I suppose. Ho hum...
Instead I am trying desperately to sell some stuff: to whit, an electric guitar, a violin, an oboe, some computer games, and possibly a couple of dodgy old mobile phones I have knocking about in a drawer somewhere. I'm not yet selling my accordion. It's not that I am loath to part with it that deters its sale so much as the fact it smells like a dead man. A very sweaty dead man. A unique selling point, you might agree, but not a good one.
If you know of anyone who might like to part cash for any of the above, let me know - I will kiss your hems and tug my forelock in obsequious gratitude...
Of course, if the DWP had got their collective arses in gear and actually processed my JSA claim a month ago, my finances would merely be grim rather than dire. Come to think of it, if my former employer had paid me for the work I'd done, I wouldn't be quite so mired in shite either. It is cold comfort to know that I have a couple of hundred measly quid coming my way when rent and bills are due and I need a new set of clippers in order to continue to save money by cutting my own hair...
Anyone want to buy a kidney? Anyone?
4 comments:
I misread your post and thought it said you *are* going to try prostitution, which I was slightly surprised by. You'd get to meet a range of people, might avoid paying tax and would be involved in a longstanding trade (so to speak). But even so you're probably right that it probably isn't advisable.
I'm not sure I have much use for a kidney, I don't even like them with a bit of steak in a pie, so I'm just not sure what I would do with one. Sorry to sound ungrateful.
You could be my personal organiser though, I have a whole load of things that need doing and could do with someone to get on with them while I am at work. It might even involve a lot of sitting around at times, so I would supply tea and biscuits.
Kindly submit a CV.
Oh there must be a market for lesbo prostitution? Must be some keen ladies out there who'd be happy to pay for it?? if not, let's get that going...
Seeing as I shall soon be selling a kidney too, want to split the cash and sell them as a pair?
I had an email this morning telling me I'd won a lottery that I hadn't even entered! All I need to do is send them my bank details apparently.
I am bit worried that the money might corrupt me though, so I could forward the email to you if you like. All your troubles could be over.
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