Fifteen things I have learnt today [snot and sinus special edition]

1. When I have a cold (as I do now) I rage and seethe like an Old Testament prophet
2. Some of this can sound unintentionally funny
3. I like the words, “accursed” and “forsaken” more than somewhat
4. I can’t think of a single “ordinary” conversation where I might be able to use “accursed” and “forsaken” without sounding archaic, mad or worse…
5. Mrs Gripes enjoys a scarcely concealed degree of schadenfreude
6. I don’t mind her gloating as long as she does it quietly
7. My postman scratches his nose using the envelopes he then posts through my door
8. I don’t want to open my post now that I am aware of this fact
9. I actually find the fuzzy, warm sweaty feeling of a fever pleasurable
10. I am less fond of the tacky, cold feeling of a fever cooling down
11. You can actually get used to the taste of blood.
12. The smell of cat food can permeate even the thickest slugs of snot inhabiting one’s nostrils
13. I can impersonate Elmer Fudd
14. One shouldn’t impersonate Elmer Fudd when phoning one’s line-manager
15. Particularly when said line manager is well know for being bereft of both a sense of humour and all compassion…

Thankfully one can’t get sacked for talking gibberish on the phone when off sick… but I bet she’d have good go if she thought she could get away with it! Humourless bint.

After writing all this mince, I am knackered now and need both a Lemsip and nice lie down. I would prefer the nice lie down to be with a pillowy-bosomed companion who would tend to my whims, soothe my fevered brow, and allow me to loll and idle in capacious luxury - but I’ll settle for the Lemsip and some idle day-dreaming. Probably about luxuriant pillowy bosoms and idle lolling.
And whims.
*sigh* I do like a good whim. Bad whims aren’t so good, but if you find a good whim? Ooh, it can change your life…

[The_Gripes_of_Wrath hopes to be returning to something approximating sense within the next day or so (usual variables apply) Please excuse the break in the usual doom and gloom: all donations of tissues impregnated with Aloe Vera gladly received …]