The Curious Incident of the Cat in the Night Time

"Miaoooooooooooooow? Miaoooow? Miaooooow? MIAOOOOOOOOOOW!?"

Plaintive, wailing and for hours at a time. Night after night. World without end.

Theo and I are doing the most scarily accurate impersonations of pandas at the moment. (You know, dark-ringed eyes? That sort of panda, not the red ones... although they are cute and furry and I do need to shave my legs...not that I'm that ginger, more a hint of chestnut... and it would be immodest and inaccurate to describe myself as cute, particularly as I'm in my late 30s and cute isn't generally an adjective that applies to someone crashing headlong into middle age...although I do have the general figure of a panda, sort of round and I quite like bamboo shoots, as long as they are in a nice gingery, garlicky, spring oniony sauce...but I digress...) Oh yes, and the lack of sleep is also not helping my concentration very much either, nor my temper or craving for sweet things.

Mew? Miaow? MIAAAAAAOOOOOOOWWW! *scratch scratch scratch*

Outside the bedroom door. Night after night. Ceaseless, relentless, tireless.

We had thought that we'd fixed the feline "vocalisations". We read almost everything on the subject and came up with a range of solutions. We tried knackering the furry bugger out with energetic play before bedtime; changing feeding time to encourage post-prandial snoozing; the administration of tryptophan-rich drops to food and -the one we thought had worked - the use of a pheremone diffuser.

"M-otherf*cking-IIIAOOOOOOW, human slaves! MIAOOW, MIAOW, MMMMMMIIIAAAAAAOOOOOOWWWWWW! *bwha ha ha...*"

The last week or so, the howling has been back with a vengeance. We had thought it might be down to a run-out diffuser, but we changed it and the howls continued.Theo and I are feeling haggard and despairing, wondering what the hell has set the fluffy one off again? Is it something we've done? Is she traumatised? In pain? Bored? Evil? What has happened that is making the howly-yowlyiness so urgent and persistent?

"Mew. Mew. Mew..."

I am thinking of looking for an exorcist, just in case she is possessed or haunted.

Next stop the V.E.T. for cat tranqs/anti-depressants...
- Do you think she knows this and is just after the drugs?


Kahless said...


I read an article that even a parrot was prescribed anti-depressants!

Alternate... shut your cat out-side at night

(do I hear you *gasp*)

The Gripes of Wrath said...

Living in a flat that is not exactly proximate to the ground, unless we fit a cat lift, as well as a cat flap, it's just not an option... (And no gasp I'm afraid - if it were a possibility, we'd do it in a heartbeat... ;o)

Cornish Dreamer said...

Lol. I know it's a serious topic, but your account makes me giggle.

I hope you've found a solution and that kitty isn't addicted to those cat-tranqs ;@)

Sleepy said...

Get that feline stoned!

stellar rich said...

Errr could it be she's in heart LOL. Funny read but I beg to defer on the old and cute don't go together thingy. I'm errrrrrrr shall we say very mature sometimes people still see me as cute *smile*

Nice to bump into this blog of yours I suspect I'm sneaking in here again for time to time. Cheers!