A few short thoughts on beer. *

• Beer dissolves money.
• Beer causes strange bruises to appear on one's body - for which there is no explanation.
• Beer can alter the geography of a city and make pavements very uneven indeed.
• Beer makes one's bladder shrink to that of a small child.
• Beer alters the dimensions of time so that when you speak there is a time-lag between what you are thinking and what comes out of your mouth.
• Beer makes a packet of crisps into a satisfying three course meal.
• Beer alters the dimension of space making the floor both simultaneously nearer and further away.

That is pretty much all I have to say about beer, at the present time. Oh yes, apart from the age-old beer dictum: "never again."

* the exception is Alice Beer: she is merely irritating.